She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
