They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
