Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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