I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
