Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
