pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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