go do what you do best...puke behind churches
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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