She said her name was "party"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
