sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
