I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Damn victory sex feels great
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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