I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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