Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
