Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
