Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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