I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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