I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
