So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
