note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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