Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
