No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
