I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
