why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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