My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
