It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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