I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
