Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
