It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
