We won't sleep together?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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