i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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