And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
wow bdsm is so cute
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
