walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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