I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
