if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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