OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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