By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
