new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
