i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
