I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
