the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
