he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
