I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
