Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
