I wish you could order shots online.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
