Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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