covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
