I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
