woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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