i already hear my dad disowning me
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
