its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
