Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
