Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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