I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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