My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
