Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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